Bliżej Ciebie, Boże

[English translation of the post "Plus près de toi, mon Dieu"].

It generally costs me to do my shift at night. But tonight is different, I feel really awake. The ocean is beautiful. The boat is in perfect harmony with the sea, Ia Orana runs at more than 6 knots speed, its bow pointed on our target, the windpilot steers on track – which means the sails are well trimmed – and the table is flat. Believe me, this is not our everyday condition! In fact, tonight, it seems like complete harmony has been reached; the man with the boat, the boat with the ocean, the moon light reflection on the sea, the silence of everyone asleep with the only sound of the wind and the scum. Even the bread smells perfect tonight. And there is something in this absolute harmony, that links me directly to God. Sometimes, a side-wave reminds me that I’m not flying.

I’m in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, 1000 nautical miles away from Cape Verde, 1000nM from the Caribbeans, and the closest land is French Guyana, 800nM away.

It’s Holy Thursday, a night of silent vigil, of contemplation, of admiration (in the sense of actively admiring your surroundings). And being here, surrounded by such a majestic beauty, is an incredible chance.

Closer to you, dear God.

Why? I thought I would hate crossing the Atlantic. Too long, boring, exhausting, having to wake up every night for 2-3 weeks. But in fact, it’s an incredible opportunity to dive into and use your inner resources, to open up to yourself and your family, to encounter yourself and your family, without interference from the outer blinding world. The sacrifices that we make along the journey make the good moments feel even better. I deeply believe that you appreciate happiness much more if you’ve worked hard to reach it. Our life on-board is not the easiest. Never stopping, all day long, between schooling, taking care of sick children, of the logistics, the repairs, the job, the night shifts… But I can only imagine our satisfaction when we will dive into the clear Caribbean waters and swim along with colourful fishes! You must earn your happiness. And we often forget this at land.

I realise all the un-useful things of my “land-life”. I won’t make any list, you would stop making me presents! Pope Francis tells us that “we can be happy with little”. But how, when you get anything from a mouse-click?! Our life on-board is not very wealthy either. No fuel, we move along with the wind, and we learn to be patient when there’s no wind; well, it’s time to take the chance to do plenty of things that we used to have people do for us before, or that we even didn’t do! No more fresh food, only cans; well, let’s explore the unusual blend of ingredients’! No more fresh water, no problem, we can wash with sea water, moreover cold water, it will give you plenty of energy! And suddenly, you wake up to plenty of little daily joys that had been buried in your speed and routine.

I also want my children to be well equipped in life. With sense of honour and respect, and bravery. To know how to escape when they’ll feel oppressed. To know how to argue against mainstream thinking. To know how to recognise when they’ll be falling into a spiral of always more progress, consumerism, money. To know how to forgive, and say sorry. To find out on their own what to do when everything goes wrong. To know how to overcome boredom, depression, which are perfectly normal and human feelings, and to know that they will always find comfort listening to little Jesus lying in their heart. To know also that nature is beautiful, but also an exhaustible resource, even sometimes brutal, and that they should respect it and live in harmony with her.

I want to avoid having little wimps soaked with plasma screens and wearing shiny advertisements instead of shoes.

Let’s be honest, I’m also here to do something few people do. Yes, it may sound very trivial, not to want to do like everyone. Still, it provides a real feeling of freedom, to know that even if you’ve had the house, the dog, the nanny, the car, the carrier, the wifi, you can also live without. Where’s your freedom when you are “in a box”?

Does all this sound arrogant? Don’t take it this way. We’re all searching for freedom and harmony, and this journey is my own way. Others will find it in marriage, in working their land, in music, in a noisy Indian town, or even in a bar.

What matters really in the end, is to hear your soul.